we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
