the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
