barbara walters just said penis...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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