So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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