i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
