Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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