Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
