Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i think i just lost a toe
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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