Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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