So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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