Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
