then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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