when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I understand Curling. That high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
