I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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