You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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