Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
