I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
