the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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