It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
