I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
