1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
