dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
