last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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