This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
