So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
