Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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