We need to rekindle our bromance
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
