They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
