I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
