I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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