i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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