Did you just see the Batmobile???
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
