My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
