I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
