guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
