I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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