i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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