tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
