Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
