She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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