I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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