Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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