We're like a lot better than the average bears
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
