Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
