Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
