we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
