You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
