So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
