please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
