The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
