dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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