That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
