Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
